Because I know what war brings. And because this ceasefire is not a solution — it’s a fragile pause. One that can break at the slightest provocation. One that will mean nothing if we don’t fight harder for peace than we do for revenge.
Then come the parents. Maybe I try to explain myself, or maybe I just walk away — either way, it usually ends in someone being upset. Sometimes it’s me. Sometimes it’s them. Sometimes it’s all of us.
And honestly, I get tired of it. Not just the fighting, but how it leaves me feeling afterward: misunderstood, exhausted, guilty, angry. Like I’m trying to speak a language no one else hears. I’m just… overwhelmed. That’s my state of being more often than I’d like to admit.
It’s Not Just the Fights
Lately, I’ve started to notice that when I react — whether it’s snapping at my sibling, slamming a door, or shutting down emotionally — it’s not really about what just happened. It’s about everything happening inside me.
I could be stressed from work, tired from not sleeping well, frustrated about things I haven’t even said out loud. And then something small happens — a sarcastic comment, a rule I don’t agree with — and I explode.
It’s not pretty. It’s not who I want to be. But in that moment, it feels real. And afterward, I’m left picking up emotional pieces, wondering how we got here — again.
I am trying to understand myself….
I’ve been trying to slow down a bit. Not dramatically — but little by little. Though I am not always successful, but effective just enough to ask myself simple questions when I’m about to react:
Why am I so mad right now?
What am I actually feeling?
Am I just tired, hungry, stressed, or hurt?
Sometimes the answer surprises me. I realize I wasn’t angry — I was disappointed. Or I wasn’t mad at my sibling — I was hurt from something someone else said earlier in the day. Being aware of that stuff doesn’t magically fix everything, but it gives me a little more control over how I deal with it.
I am still learning….
I wish I could say I’ve got it all figured out. I don’t. I still mess up. I still say things I regret. I still get caught in the cycle of fight-apologize-repeat. Sometimes I don’t even apologize. We just start talking… normally.
But I’m trying to understand my state of being — the emotional space I’m living in each day. And when I do that, things get a little easier. I can breathe before I speak. I can walk away before yelling. I can recognize when I need a break and ask for space instead of blowing up.
Because at the end of the day, I don’t just want to get through life — I want to live through it. Fully. Honestly. And maybe a little more peacefully.
Share this if you are also in a chaotic state of being.